Reflections

When the world seems to be falling apart I can have peace in knowing God is tending to His sheep. In the same way God tends to His sheep we as followers need to tend to our well-being. The whole filling our cup first before pouring ourselves out for others (ie. family, friends, co-workers and our communities).

The word tend came up for me a few weeks ago when I began to think about the rapidly approaching new year. Despite not making resolutions I still have goals I’d like to achieve however; sitting here in the last month of 2020 I can say I have yet, to reach this one stupid goal I have had for three years.

You might be asking how do I know it has been three years or you might not care; either way I went through a tough year of battling old trauma four years ago and I lost some hard fought ground I had gained in my wellness journey. In retrospect I had attained a goal in my physical body only to have it taken away by numbing while fighting my way through to healing.

Each year since I had tried to wrap my one word in a bow that looked like it was something other than wanting and desiring my physical body to be back to where it had been and I am just now realizing that despite not achieving this I have achieved something deeper and more rewarding.

Finding healing and diving deep into learning more about myself has led me to a freedom I had only imagined in my dreams. The depth of my growth in my soul has been hard earned and is something I hope to cultivate and cherish for the rest of my days on this earth.

Learning about our brain on trauma has led to a development of lifestyle skills that has drastically changed my life. My morning routine is something I can not and will not avoid no matter how crazy my schedule may be for that day. Meditation, writing and bible study have become an intricate part of my morning.

Just like my morning routine my evening routine is just as important to my well being. I have learned that my body is dramatically affected by better sleep which is something hard to attain with a brain and body riddled with anxiety and at times bouts depression.

In this study of one I have also come to the realization that my forty something body does better with cardio than with all the crazy lifting and extreme programs of my thirties. Walking my dog or with a buddy, hiking, paddle boarding and being in nature feeds my body and soul in a deep satisfying way I can only describe with photos (if you follow me on instagram then you already know). 

This year also brought me to the realization that I need to find what works for me and STOP trying to follow everyone else’s plans. My goal no longer is a certain size jeans, (although it would be nice) it is my overall health and well being. Not to say that any of those programs can’t or won’t work; for me in this season of my life I needed to break free from the current trends and begin to live freestyle in more than just my faith.

I never fully understood my struggle to follow what all the experts say about getting published, getting healthy or even how to do social media right. I have this longing and desire to buck the system (guess that could be my enneagram four talking). The truth is I was created to be uniquely me and if that means I NEVER get to the proverbial promise land we are “guaranteed” in all the online coaching and motivational speeches then that is okay.

This new year I am going to live freestyle and fearless; set free from conformity to live a life that is uniquely mine.

I am going to continue to tend to my soul with my daily rhythms. 

I am going to continue to blog all the things instead of finding just one “thing” to hang my hat on for the world to see. 

I am going to lean into learning more about myself and my body through experimenting with food and activity that make me feel good. 

I am going to love my body as it is today and not what it could be in five weeks, five months or five years.

This year has taught me to be grateful for the beautiful home we bought last year before COVID and all the stay at home orders. We are blessed to both be still working despite our country being riddled with staggering unemployment. Despite the struggles for kids having to learn at home we are beyond thankful our son began his hybrid school three years ago because it has taught him a lot about working independently. 

As much as I joke that 2020 was a dumpster fire I have had harder years and I know next year will not bring a magic wand saving us from further chaos and uncertainty. 

Instead my hope is in God alone. 

I will allow God to tend to Her flock while I tend to my corner of the world (my blog, my family, our neighborhood, our friends, our community and the people at work).

I will continue to lean into my creativity while building connection.

I will trust the process because grass does not grow overnight. It needs to be tended and waited on while it sprouts and grows.

My hope is to begin using my blog again as an outlet for my creativity.

My plan is to continue sharing stories with the added bonus of a few new things I am planning to share in the new year.

You can expect to see more posts from me in 2021 but, until then I am going to take some time to rest and enjoy this beautiful season with my family.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!