Waiting is not easy.
Slowing down is even harder.
I still have a lot to learn about rest.
This past January I began playing with practicing a weekly sabbath and still I feel clueless about the subject.
Then my December started with an outpatient surgery which left me tired and having no choice but, to rest and heal my body. The struggle of wanting to workout and not being able to has been the most difficult for me as cardio is apart of taking care of my mental health.
Intentionally leaning into the lessons of rest forced me to be curious about how we normally operate in our busy lives.
Honestly, I thought COVID had taught me enough about rest and living a smaller life. This time around I decided to notice more about how I was filling my time.
Was I multi-tasking i.e. watching tv while scrolling social media?
Was I filling my time with rest or was I trying to fill my time so it would pass more quickly?
What if we got curious about how we spent our time?
What if we began to see our time as precious and limited?
This morning as I was walking out the door my son asked if I wanted to do Advent before leaving for work. Internally I wanted to be upset because I was already “running late” instead I sat, lit the candles, and read scripture with my teenager. In my heart I know this time with him is limited. Leaning in instead of running frantic to my next thing is exactly what I needed.
Why is it so much easier to fill our every waking moments with things and distractions?
What I am realizing is God wants our attention and as long as we stay busy and distracted Her voice will stay distant or mute to our hearts and minds.
There is no perfection this month just a leaning in and taking small steps closer to inner peace.
“Rest provides fine-tuning for hearing God’s messages amidst the static of life.” -Shelly Miller
Noticing the changing colors of the leaves.
Lingering in conversations with co-workers.
Slowing down the chaos in my mind.
I began to wonder what would change if I spend more time writing and less time trying to curate a picture with less words for likes.
Would deep healing take place without the constant noise and chaos of the world?
Is that the missing piece?
This year as I was tending to the things I thoughts would bring me healing I found myself still slipping back into old coping mechanisms when life became too much. I began to explore the idea of taking things away. After my camping trip in September I began my own “i’m not drinking right now” experiment. The elimination of a vice opened my eyes to even more sobering things like my addiction to food (specifically processed carbs and sugar) that has held me captive for years.
Like a child if you take their video games away they will find something else to fill their time. Take away wine and I will grab for a bag of chips or a chocolate bar so, is wine even the issue or is there a deeper inner longer?
What is the lesson?
Keep slowing down.
Stay curious.
Lean into the lessons.
Numbing is apart of our lives. It is something we all do. Some people just have more toxic habits than others but, we all do it. Just stand in line and look around; how many people are on their phones? Better yet go to a restaurant and look around at how many people are on their phones instead of having conversations.
Advent is meant to be a season of waiting with anticipation for our Savior but, in the waiting what are we doing?
Are we rushing around or slowing down?
As Christmas presents began looming on my to do list I decided to NOT shop this year instead keeping things as simple as possible. No running from store to store hunting for deals. Instead leaving space for the kids to shop for what they wanted and giving myself space to not stress finding the perfect gifts.
This season has changed for me in recent years. The longing for connection and less time shopping. The longing for peace over chaos. The longing for calm and quiet instead of crowds and noise.
I am no longer looking for anyone to co-sign my shifts instead I am looking to encourage anyone who is feeling the shift to lean in and make those small changes (or drastic changes) you are longing for deep in your soul.
We as adults left to our own devices get to make changes and we get to redefine how we want to send the holiday season.
My fondest memories as a child include playing with my cousins and sitting around my nana’s dinning table having conversations. The greatest gifts I have ever received were wrapped in presence; the presence of family, friends and God.
Your presence will always matter more than any presents. Sadly I have yet, to figure out how to be present at the holidays with all he people I love. I just hope and pray the times I have with them will be memorable.
