When I started blogging there was no social media. Just my words on a blog that didn’t have an immediate responses. In those days I would write and ship my thoughts often.
Why is it harder to write now?
The more growth and change the more uncertainty and questions swirl in my mind. No longer looking for validation instead; seeking to understand myself.
Does it even matter what I find?
Does my journey have meaning or purpose?
Not looking for comments or validation just beginning to wonder why we keep sharing when the web is filled with influencers and more popular opinions.
Is this doubt my enneagram four rearing it’s ugly head or is this is a real question of what matter in an already loud world.
From mommy blogger to spiritual searching to forty something woman learning to find balance and health.
What would happen if all the creatives just went inside and stopped sharing their words and art?
I honestly believe it would make the world less bright.
Change is inevitable but, as a writer and creative I wonder how to share the shifts without seeming wishy washy.
My faith is still growing outside the building and I am more interested in communing with my son in his walk than with a group attached to a particular congregation or denomination.
My health is more important to me in my forties than it was in my twenties. I am learning how to truly care for the gift God blessed me with and that means testing and trying new ways to eat and move my body.
My career has shifted and the learning curve takes more bandwidth than I ever expected. I come home and am exhausted and struggle with numbing out. Learning to be present in all circumstances is hard yet, necessary.
The words for it all come in the middle of the night and I wonder if that means I should get out of bed and write or if it’s more important to sleep.
So many questions and not a lot of answers. Is this my new normal?
“There is tending to be done.” —June, Handmaid’s Tale
When this year began and my word was tend I thought it was an odd word and who actually uses that word however; it keeps popping up even in movies, music and television.
This season of tending is confusion, necessary and awkward.
Tending is a slow process of taking care of the “next right thing” in my life.
Currently I am spending a lot of time tending to my health. Attempting to heal inflammation and rid my body of all the side effects of PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) before I have to handle menopause. I want this body to carry me into my later years healthy, strong and capable of taking on the world.
What are you tending to in this season of life?
May we all find a place to share our journey without fear of judgment and ridicule. May we all find a community that is accepting and loving despite all our wandering.
“If we don’t make time for our wellness we will be forced to make time for our illness.”
