Writing is a funny thing I began doing as a child. I loved stringing words together to process life. Whether it was being exposed to adult things too early or even fantasizing what it would be like to be grown; I played with words to feel my way through the seasons of life.
After putting my heart and soul into my last book I found it hard to sit down and write so, I switched my focus to reading. I began devouring books like crazy. I would schedule writing in my planner and when the time would come I would be void of words.
This morning my inbox had a notice of my website expiring and I thought maybe now is the time to shut it down and leave this season behind me.
I asked myself, “what would happen if I stopped writing?”
The truth is I write everyday. I write my thoughts, prayers, frustrations and dreams down in my journal. I write when I am sad. I write when I am happy. I write because I am a writer.
The real question is, “do I have anything more to say?”
I have tons of things to say but, the world is so loud right now and I wonder if I am just wasting my words.
In a loud world do my words matter to anyone?
In the chaos that is our society is anyone even listening to listen or everyone listening to react?
How do we make a difference without saying a word?
This is why I deleted my Facebook last year and this is why I contemplate deleting my Instagram and website.
All the noise.
All of the chaos.
All of the words spent of spreading hate, fear and anxiety.
Maybe less words is more important right now.
Maybe fading back into real life is what matters more than sharing my thoughts and life on the socials.
But, then today as I was exploring new music from artists I love I realized creativity matters.
The world can NOT have to many creatives.
No such thing as too many books, movies or songs.
Maybe I needed the break to heal, reflect and prepare to rise up for whatever my path has for me next.
Maybe I am a wildflower planted in poor soil waiting for the rain and sunshine to bring me back to life.
Maybe when the world gets loud with noise we need to get louder with love.
Maybe I just needed to force myself to do the thing I haven’t been able to do and then the creativity would be ignited again.
The truth is on the weekend I do not rise excited to run. I rise because I have an exercise date with a friend. I arrive not excited to workout instead; I know at the end of the six miles I will be glad I showed up.
Showing up matters.
Here I am showing up with all the feelings I have been processing for over a year. Still no answers and still carrying doubts yet, hopeful that better days are coming.
So, let’s see where showing up takes us in the next year.
