Next Forty Years

It’s time to reflect and take a moment to look back on my first forty years… as I type those words I can not help but, hear Tim McGraw’s song playing in my head.

I think I’ll take a moment To celebrate my age The ending of an era And the turning of a page.

My Next Thirty Years, Tim McGraw

It’s crazy to think about all I have learned in the last three years let alone the last decade. I remember turning thirty and thinking I was going to have it all together in the next decade of my life and yet, here I am just now mending.

My thirties brought travel (alone and with my family), new friendships, deeper connections with old friends, promotions, heartbreak, falling apart and breaking open in new ways.

Ten years ago my son was starting kindergarten and I was still learning to balance marriage, motherhood, ministry and working full time. Now my son is in high school, we are house hunting and I have stepped away from ministry.

The hardest part of the past ten years was falling apart and ending up on a couch weekly dealing with past trauma and needing medication to help with my anxiety and depression.

The best part of the past ten years was falling apart and getting a chance to do the deep work of healing.

It’s crazy how the hard things we want to avoid are actually sometimes the best things to happen in our lives.

This past year I have spent more time reading books, watching movies and enjoying the outdoors with friends and family. I have realized it is not so much about reaching a “goal” weight and more about moving my body everyday and getting in the kitchen to cook healthy meals.

In my next forty years I will get outside and move my body more

Try to forgive more easily

Maybe I will write another book

Or maybe I will read all the books

My next forty years I am going to love my people

I am going to find happiness in my present circumstance

My next forty years are going to be the best in my life

Because I am going to embrace everyday

As this decade comes to a close and I turn the page on my thirties I am realizing how blessed I am to be alive everyday. All my unanswered prayers are just a footnote on the beauty of my life. Sometimes things do not come out as we had hoped but, sometimes they are better than we could have imagined.

The best part is we get to turn the page everyday. We get to begin again right where we are at in our lives. We can try again and we can seek help or healing at any time. We get to be the catalyst of our lives and story.

What will you write on the next page of your life?

I am not sure what storyline comes next for me but, “Lord have mercy on my next” forty years!