How do we make it all matter when we can not be honest and real about where we are in life?
The lies and facades that we have it all together. The pretending and making everyone think life is grand. The masks we wear will eventually taint the heart of who we are if we do not take them off and embrace our true selves.
Everyone says it is okay to not be okay however; if you say you’re not okay the gossip, disqualifications and rumors will begin to swirl. People you trust will talk behind your back and pull you even further down the trail of despair and shame.
The reality is no one wants to hear the truth. No one wants to admit they are struggling. No one wants to take accountability for the shit show that is their life because it would mean they were broken. But, what if the brokenness was not you? What if being broken was not an option?
The thoughts have swirls around in my head for years. I felt unworthy of love and belonging since I was a little girl. I can sit here and place blame however; blame is not where healing and growth reside. Healing happens when we acknowledge our programing is off and we take the time to rewire ourselves according to the truth.
My worth is not in who likes or does not like me.
My worth is not in my success.
My worth is not is anyone’s opinions.
My worth is not in my past mistakes.
My worth is not in my upbringing.
My worth comes from the one who created me.
Now this sounds nice and pretty but, let’s be honest it is easier to say those words than it is to live those words. It is easier to memorize scripture and truths then it is for them to really resonate in your heart. Taking the journey of head knowledge to heart believing is not an overnight process.
Candid sharing helps but, maybe a season of rest and being still is really what the heart needs. It might be time to step back and stop sharing so much and start learning to live in the present finding healing one moment at a time. Maybe it is time to block out the noise and set boundaries with the people who trigger the hurt and pain from your past. Maybe taking time to reflect and heal will only come when we are willing to no longer pretend it is alright and instead admit there are seasons of struggle.
Stepping back is not shrinking back. Stepping back is pausing and giving your mind, body and soul time to heal. Stepping back is taking a sabbatical from the chaos and learning to live in the simple rhythms of grace. Stepping back is a reorganization of life. Stepping back may mean never coming back but, knowing either way you are no longer in control.
My truth may not resonate with you but, if it does please know you are never alone in this journey. Take time to find healing. Find real friends to share life with in the meantime and never give up hope because your new beginning is just around the corner.